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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27675620">the sun, the stars and. the rock</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lineal/pseuds/Lineal'>Lineal</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(think thats what theyre called lol), Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Introspection, Iwaizumi Hajime is a Good Friend, Iwaizumi Hajime needs a hug, Mentioned Oikawa Tooru, Metaphors, all is well :), but whos his? :), haha - Freeform, i forgot about the angst tag, subtly shoves a Vent Fic under the carpet, the amount of pain iwaoists put this poor man through-, theres a lot of whatchamacallit, very much self blame btw, why aint that a tag</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 00:14:32</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27675620</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lineal/pseuds/Lineal</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>For as long as Hajime can remember, he's always been someone's pillar.</p><p> </p><p>But then... who's his?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime &amp; Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>the sun, the stars and. the rock</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>me: i wont be posting because nano! i have an original project! i-<br/>also me: hehe. iwa pain. /feelings/</p><p>remember, words are words! if they weren't i'd be like 24k behind lol :)</p><p>this gets v repetitive! but it's for the /dramatic effect/ ok</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>For as long as Hajime can remember, he’s always been someone’s pillar, someone’s support, the one doing all the comforting and staying strong through thick and thin.</p><p> </p><p>Well. He had been <em> kind of </em> coddled in those two to three years pre-childhood memories, but even then, he’d already been pretty independent, reliable. As responsible as any baby could get.</p><p> </p><p>And then Tooru had come along in the middle of his fourth year, wide eyed and sparkling, looking at Hajime like he was the world, the sun, the stars despite the fact that he was the universe himself. Bigger than Hajime would ever get, brighter, better, everything he would end up striving to be, chasing after when the time came.</p><p> </p><p>In the beginning, it was simple. Uncomplicated. They were Hajime and Tooru, best friends, spending almost every second of their lives side by side. They did simple things, like going out to play in the park or the woods, catching rhinoceros beetles (even though Tooru would always scream and cry whenever they’d find one) and passing a ball back and forth, back and forth, with minimal force used, needed to succeed. </p><p> </p><p>Hajime was taller than Tooru then. Only by a couple centimeters, but he was bigger, and by relation, stronger, what Tooru would always look up to.</p><p> </p><p>In the beginning, it was easy. He was Tooru’s pillar, his comfort, his <em> home </em>.</p><p> </p><p>It was nice, being that important to the boy that meant everything to him.</p><p> </p><p>Then, junior high came, and things <em> changed </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Tooru. The people around them. <em> Everything </em> changed. <em> Everything </em> but Hajime himself.</p><p> </p><p>Everyone began looking at Tooru like he was the stars up above at night, beautiful, bright, far from their reach. The look that Hajime often caught himself with was now spread amongst the others, classmates, strangers.</p><p> </p><p>Tooru preened under the attention, became so much more than Hajime, and soon, <em> he </em> was the one looking up.</p><p> </p><p>Since when had Tooru grown, caught up on those couple of centimeters and gone beyond?</p><p> </p><p>At that time, it was only a little bit of height, but to Hajime, it felt like there were miles between them, stretching on and on, with only a narrow, crumbling bridge to connect them through it.</p><p> </p><p>Tooru became the stars. Hajime became the boulders down below, always bathed in light yet still dull, but strong and unbreakable all the same.</p><p> </p><p>Kageyama. Kindaichi. Kunimi.</p><p> </p><p>The three first years appeared in a whirlwind of talent and skill and height, things that Hajime could never imagine having, things that Tooru craved.</p><p> </p><p>To them, Tooru was the sun and Hajime was the moon.</p><p> </p><p>It’s ironic, thinking back on it now, after years and years of watching documentaries on space and listening to Tooru’s long winded rants about the planets and the sky that he always strived to reach and leave everything else behind for.</p><p> </p><p>The sun produces light that the moon reflects, having never created any light on its own. And the moon, in turn, is insignificant in comparison, does nothing to affect the shining ball of flames, always just <em> there </em> to take, take, <em> take </em>—.</p><p> </p><p>Like the sun, Tooru changed, and in his cold shadow, Hajime remained.</p><p> </p><p>Tooru stopped looking at him at all, and Hajime did the same, turning away, pretending that he didn’t see his best friend crumbling, falling apart right in front of him, falling through the cracks of his own expectations, his own farfetched plans and goals, and—.</p><p> </p><p>Hajime just let him. Until it was too late, until Tooru was too far gone and he had to dive to get him back up, back to the surface where he could take a break and just <em> breathe </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Hajime’s always been Tooru’s rock, but in that moment, he had just <em> abandoned </em> him because he was fooled by pretty words, by the mask that Tooru had begun putting on, one of aloofness, indifference, one of strength that Hajime should have known he didn’t have.</p><p> </p><p>It was all his fault. And to this day, he still hasn’t redeemed himself.</p><p> </p><p>(Perhaps he’s fallen, too, with how he’s been swept up by their act, the performance that they put on in front of the others of aggression and provocation, so different from those simple days so long ago.)</p><p> </p><p>His attempts to gently tug Tooru back proved futile, and the violence that followed only made it worse.</p><p> </p><p>Hajime promised himself he would always be a constant in Tooru’s life, something unchanging, always there to lean back on, but it’s <em> hard </em> , and it <em> terrifies </em> him that he <em> can’t </em>.</p><p> </p><p>The distance grew, grew and grew and grew. They met new people, <em> great </em> people, mind you, but the weight keeping Hajime down only increased, and soon, he was the one fighting to just keep himself up at the surface, just to keep up only to be left behind once again.</p><p> </p><p>Tooru kept rising, no longer sinking now that Hajime had caught him and pulled him back up but <em> at what cost </em>—.</p><p> </p><p>The distance grows, more and more and more, and soon, <em> now </em> , it’s more than miles stretching on between them, it’s <em> galaxies and light years </em> that only become bigger and bigger every inch he moves forward. He’s not <em> supposed </em> to change, to rise, to grow with the rest of nature, but he <em> wants to </em>, so, so much.</p><p> </p><p>Hajime’s always been a pillar, something constant in people’s lives, grounding, supportive, yet there’s no one there to be <em> his </em>.</p><p> </p><p>So Hajime doesn’t cry, doesn’t complain, doesn’t fall apart, doesn’t because he can’t, he can’t, <em> he can’t </em> , because people need him but they don’t— they don’t need <em> him </em>.</p><p> </p><p>Because <em> him </em> is selfish, <em> him </em> hates everyone for always relying on him even though <em> he’s </em> the one causing it all, <em> him </em> isn’t invincible, <em> him </em> isn’t strong, <em> him </em> is weak and <em> it shows </em>.</p><p> </p><p>And <em> him </em> despises, absolutely abhors Tooru when he’s standing in the middle of the airport, hand raised in a frozen wave, forced grin completely wiped off his face, even though he’s the one who didn’t act, didn’t say what he wanted. Even though he’s happy for his best friend, supports him through his dreams, unreachable for any other person.</p><p> </p><p>He’s suddenly back to their last match of highschool, when they were still semi together, when they still had a common goal to raise each other up to. When Hajime basked in the warmth of Tooru’s excellence, all his glory that he failed to notice and Hajime failed to tell him about.</p><p> </p><p>He’s back to that final spike, the final set that Tooru sends his way, desperate yet clean and so <em> perfect </em>, just like him.</p><p> </p><p>Hajime fails him. And everyone else that was relying on him, too.</p><p> </p><p>He cries for the first time in forever, and everyone says it’s okay, but it’s <em> not </em> . He failed them, he should have tried harder, been better, pushed himself to that 130% if everyone was at their 120. Just <em> him </em> isn’t enough anymore, they’ve lost, and it’s all his fault, all his—.</p><p> </p><p>And Tooru’s gone now. Everyone’s gone now.</p><p> </p><p>Hajime’s back to being alone, unchanged, the boulder that stays and watches everything else fade and come back, only to end up dying again and again and again.</p><p> </p><p>For as long as he remembers, he’s always been someone’s pillar.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>But then... who’s his?</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>thanks for reading!!!</p><p>(this counts as my nano, pls don't actually scream at me for posting tyvm)</p><p> </p><p>Here is my <a href="https://discord.gg/E8rnymG">Discord</a> and my <a href="https://itslinsanity.tumblr.com/">Tumblr</a>!!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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